I am a slut. So are you. Now guess why. Can't guess? Say to yourself, "Oh silly sex columnist, I don't sleep around". Or maybe pull a Corey from The Bachelor and flash that V card. Do whatever you want to prove your chastity, your innocence, whatever it's even called these days. Bad news kid, say what you want, you are still a slut.
Still confused? Allow me to explain: you are a slut because you have been called one. Maybe not to your face, maybe by some guy who pre-ejaculated and felt the need to overcompensate to his buddies, or some girl that was crushing on a past flame who said you were good in bed, the fact is it doesn't matter. Because when it comes to sluttiness, you are whatever they say you are. People love gossip and love to hear all the gruesome details, even of an event that didn't actually happen. The word "slut" is after all the slur copout in the slanderous underbelly of the world of gossip. We all know it takes very few words and even less actual evidence to ruin someone's reputation, mostly because no proof is needed. The word slut doesn't require it because it's one of those catchall words that have ultimately no concrete definition. Here's an example: In high school two of my close friends were sexually active (okay more than that, but for my purposes we'll focus on the two). One of them dated about four guys in two years and slept with all of them. But she was good; she knew how to play the game. She would wait until the guys were committed to her, which usually happened through extensive sexual teasing, and then would sleep with them. I had another friend who was more shy and hooked up with two of three guys total, but within a span of about six months. My second friend was blasted and considered one of the sluttier girls in the grade, while my first friend got by without any criticism. Now consider this children: who was having more sex here? Clearly friend number one. So if sex is the primary indicator of sluttiness, how in any way was the social retribution given appropriate (because, after all, that's what it was)?
Here's my point: there is no universal quota for what constitutes a slut. How many guys (or girls) is the appropriate number? Five? Ten? Where is the line drawn?
There's a reason for this. Sex happens under circumstances, and at this school often very sketchy ones at that. Do you count on your list the guy who talked you into it who you weren't really into, but gave a chance anyway? Do you count the guy who took advantage of the fact that you were practically nonverbal and had vomit on your sleeve? These are hypothetical questions of course, but the point here is that the word slut, just as any label, is given without thought to specifics. And therefore, in my opinion, it should be powerless. I've put myself willingly in awkward situations when someone has called someone a slut by chipping in a "Good for her". Because to me, the only common word is the vague definitions of the word is some variety of sexuality. Therefore, to me, slutty is essentially a synonym to sexual, which may I remind you, we all are.
Maybe there is some prize for being non-sexual. Maybe being chaste has some kind of bonus that I don't know about, other than the obvious ones of not worrying about STDs and pregnancy, which can be curtailed with proper safety practices (condoms, birth control, you get it) but is an undeniable plus. But here's what I do know: most girls are sexually active on campus in one degree or another. So, if you are going to call someone a slut, don't. It just makes you a hypocrite and someone who honestly wasn't clever enough to come up with something meaner but funnier. But all in all, when it comes to insults, remember that you only have a vague snapshot of who any person in particular is despite how well you think you might know them compared to all the things that they have experienced. So stay safe, but have fun and help taking the judgment out of sex by not branding girls as unworthy through their sex lives. After all, it's just sex, and we are only human.
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7 comments
As to the second comment EVERYBODY knows EVERYTHING I've ever done? Good God I hope no one would ever spend that much energy on picking up the juicy tales of my life. There are much more interesting things in the world. Also, "Dishy" you are clearly a catch and far too superior for Sewanee girls. It's obvious that Sewanee girls just don't deserve cowards like you.
As to the comment on kindness and gentleness, I'm trying to take it easy on what small audience I may have, and there's a long way to go for students here to be kind and gentle to people they think are "sluts". I just hope to encourage at the very least that if an individual has a legitimate reason for making disparaging remarks on someone's personality, that they actually verbalize what it is about the person that bothers them, instead of reaching into a paltry bag of slurs that are vague and easy to come by. I actually am not a fan of ugly behavior (I mean I write about sex, I get my share), but it's small steps to getting people to stop finding female sexuality so threatening and looking at sex with the social, religious, and general moral implications it often carries without the fear and guilt that typically accompanies such ruminations.