Big boobs, big muscles, big ass, big penis, and good clothes-- we like to think that if we have these things they'll make us attractive, but do they really? One of my best friends is a model ("Mindy" for this article)-- she appeared in ads for various magazines and has graced billboards back home-- and one of her best friends ("Heather" for this article) is also a friend of mine. Two days before I came back to school this semester, they invited me to one of their photo shoots. I was thrilled to go, because as a former chubby kid I never imagined I would have the chance to go near a photo shoot, since chubby people are no-shows in the fashion industry; being able to go with them made me more excited than a chubby kid learning he could eat a gallon each of Baskin Robin's 31 flavors. During the photo shoot I became highly insecure. With each passing flash and click of the camera, I felt more insecure; flash, I gained 30 pounds; flash, my butt enlarged to epic proportions; flash, I was a pubescent teen. Having the desire to hear what Heather and Mindy went through to get here, I listened to Heather's story on attractiveness. Heather told me how easy it was to get encompassed in a materialistic world where clothes and looks are the only things that matter. When she started modeling, she felt incredibly attractive when guys started ogling at her with her new, free, high marquee, clothes and she said she felt more attractive whenever she went out to drink. She once believed the drunker she got, the hotter she got. Eventually, with more stress in her life, her former beliefs led her crashing down a slope where no compliment, no eye ogling, no reassurances of her attractiveness made her believe she was attractive-Heather, a model, believed she was hideously ugly. I intently listened and asked how she changed her beliefs about being hideously ugly, and she said: "I found the gorgeous things about myself that I never found pretty before."
A lot of people continue to validate their attractiveness by the type of clothes they wear, how drunk or high they are, and whether or not others check them out. After talking and listening to many women and men on campus and back home about their attractiveness, I came to the ultimate conclusion that this is not the most recognized problem; it's the most visible. When I started talking about attractiveness in general, some gave me the frozen deer in the headlight stare, some broke down, some lied as a girl did in a frat house when she shakily stated that "body image issues never come across my mind" (it comes across everyone's mind), some prolonged the awkward silence, and some were comfortable talking about it.
With those who were comfortable talking about it, I asked when did they feel the most attractive. A junior shyly told me she felt most attractive "right after she got out of the shower, got dressed, but didn't put on makeup;" a sophomore said she felt the most attractive "in the morning while I run in short shorts when the guys could check out my butt;" a freshman told me she felt the most attractive when "she wore a pushup bra, had a really tight skirt that exposed every contour, and had an outline of the type of underwear she wore;" a senior stated she looked the most attractive "when I wear sweat pants and am away from judgment but I can't dress that way due to Sewanee's implied dress code." A sophomore felt the most attractive when he "got right out of the shower;" a junior responded he felt the most attractive "in the morning right before he is about to get sh** done that day;" and a friend from back home responded he felt the most attractive "right after shaving his pubic area because 'it'll be the biggest as it will ever be [sic]."
Shaving pubic areas and wearing push up bras are not going to make your body parts bigger and they are not going to make you more attractive, because they're mere illusions. Dressing better than usual is not going to raise your self confidence-if anything, it's an hourly ego boost, but that boost will wither away when no one is around to see you. Feeling attractive when other people check you out means that you cannot look at yourself and believe that you are beautiful; you depend on others to tell you something that you already are. But you don't need anyone to tell you that you are attractive. There are breathtakingly gorgeous things about you, find them, make them known, feel your attractiveness go up.
We never forget how to judge how beautiful someone else is; we forget how beautiful we are.
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