Shabby Guide to Srat Pledgeship

So you've worn your most memorable statement necklace and made strained small talk while nervously picking at an assortment of vegetables in the hopes of not appearing greedy, or God forbid, someone who actually enjoys eating, and hopefully last Saturday you got into the sorority of your choice.  Seemingly the hard part is over, right? If we're to take a cue from state schools, from here on out it's lovey-dovey candle ceremonies,  the exchange of chintzy plastic trinkets emblazoned with greek letters, and tearful promises of being sisters forever.  Well, as you may have gathered, Sewanee often does things a little differently, and pledge ship is no exception.  Below are some rules to guide y'all through the pledge ship process.  Follow these rules and perhaps you will escape (partially) unscathed from the wrath of the actives.

 

Rule Number 1: Stop reading this article and go get your cellphone.  Got it? Now, go ahead and set an ongoing alarm for early every Saturday mornings.  And when I say early, I do not mean 10 a.m.  This is when you're expected to clean the house and spending the night in a room other than your own is no excuse not to show up!

 

Rule Number 2: There will always be at least two needy upperclassman who were coddled too much by their mommy/nanny as a child.  These girls will take pledge runs to the extreme.  They will be cold and unfeeling and expect you to go on Pub runs at 1:57 AM on the night before your Biology midterm.  To these people, walking from the pub to Phillips is not out of the question, and since the food will probably then be cold, you will be expected to reheat.  Avoid at all costs.

 

Rule Number 3: By the same token, never ever screen phone calls or facebook chats from actives.  This will only serve to make said actives completely enraged and hungry for retaliation that could take many forms, including shoe to the head.  Yes: you will have to make at least one hugely inconvenient pledge run.  Suck it up.

 

Rule Number 4: If you want to become like super close bffs with the actives, great.  Just don't be complain when they ask you to do every single thing "because, like, I feel less bad about asking you to do my laundry, buying me a Route 44 Sonic Drink and tucking me into bed cause we're like, really good friends, you know??" 

 

Rule Number 5: Do not try to use active's cards at the pub if they are not present, unless you want to be accused of identity fraud.

 

Rule Number 6: Hooray! You've earned the privilege to sit frat-side.   Enjoy it, and the one thousand "once-overs" you'll receive as you walk down the side aisles.  

 

Rule Number 7: Keep the complaining to a minimum! Sororities are small and gossip-prone, (no way, right?) and anything you say will get back to the person you are complaining about.   This rule can also be applied to sorority life in general.  People will always find out, so think before you speak.

Rule Number 8: As college students, we have spent enough time on this earth to be able to spot an ass-kisser from a mile away.  No one likes a disingenuous ass-kisser.  Avoid. Doing what you're told is enough.

 

Rule Number 9: Always say yes.

 

Rule Number 10: Never say no.

 

Rule Number 11: From the author's own experience: Under no circumstances agree to participate in any kind of dance off.

Bear these rules in mind, and you will be able to handle pledge ship.  I guarantee that the memories you'll make bleary-eyed at 6 a.m. picking up Natty Light cans or dancing to Aaron Carter in a muumuu at 2 a.m. will be a whole lot more valuable than a greek letter bracelet, white gold or otherwise.