Famous, Sexy Boob Tree Cut Down

Tradition is a notion close to the heart of Sewnaee.  It is something that pumps through the veins of daily life, and it has icons that have become synonymous with the school itself:  St. Luke's chapel, the Cross, even the Gownsman's robes.  Tragically, there is one such icon that is no longer found on Sewanee's campus; it was an icon to which everyone could relate.  It had a way of humanizing the grounds and bringing a little slice of serenity to the daily grind of academia.  Alex Harris, class of 2011, describes the moment he saw it for the first time as "a breath of fresh air.  Something particularly relieving in the midst the finals of my first semester on the Mountain!"  Annie O. ['10] remembers it as "a comfort for all the girls on campus.  It assured them that it was okay that one was a slightly bigger than the other."  We are speaking, of course of a tree- a tree that was an icon "so special, it couldn't have been created by the hands of man. (Harris)" These are the fond memories for the tree fondly referred to as Boob Tree [referred to here as BT for short].  Fittingly, BT was a tree close to hearts of many on and off campus.  So where did this beloved neighbor go?
The trail of crumbs to any such question leads invariably to the infamous PPS (Physical Plant Services), and straight into the office of the lady at the forefront of this 'service' (Connie Gall).  It is here the mystery of the missing landmark began to unravel.  But before one can accept the death of this curvaceous tree, one must understand her life. 
Nestled comfortably in the upper front side of McClurg, BT served as a warm welcome to the student dining experience-aided generously by her ample assets.  Many around campus have assumed these "glorious growths," described as a "generous D cup (Harris)" were stumps of limbs long gone, but they are actually incidents of a phenomenon referred to as a 'gall'.   This means that BT had irritated places, and wood simply began growing out around these trouble spots.  Divine intervention? Possibly.  This does mean that they weren't yet fully erect.  These wondrous gifts could have continued blossoming for years to come!  BT, like many of the trees on campus, was a White Oak.  Which means this rare beauty had a good 2-3 hundred years left in her term as resident mistress.  Yes, 200 years of growth spurts.  Despite her god-given talents, some claim the maiden's beauty didn't come to fruition until some years back, when a young love-struck couple (Mirka Fette, '08 and Josh Harris, '07), impelled by Mirka's love for the tree, purchased a face at Fred's.  They drilled the face into a spot above the bosom, and this became the face Sewanian dreams for the years since.

So why was she cut?  Apparently, the mighty mountain we all know and love is still recovering from the last 5-8 years, which have been wrought with drought.  This drought has had a drastic effect on the local tree population.  According to those wielding the heavy machinery, BT was losing limbs, falling apart, and in all around bad shape.  THIS is where the humanity of Boob Tree should have come into play; don't we all get in bad shape every now and then?  Why must we be so critical of the women in the spotlight?  There's little we can do about the young starlet that fades to obscurity when she gains some cellulite, but isn't there a point at which the public should shelter their icons from the vicious scrutiny of hardened eyes?  According to PPS, the list of trees needing trimming "goes on and on (Gall)."  Why, we must then ask, was our fair Boob Tree put atop this list?  Was it the lack of musket balls in her trunk?  Perhaps a little civil war experience could have saved her from the knife...  In any case, the sad reality is, 3 signatures and 2 saw-wielding guys later, our maiden was lost.  Was it gall jealousy?  That's always possible.

Regardless, old BT lives now only in our memory.  Is there a good metaphor to describe her?  "It's hard to find one that can really sum it up (Harris)."  She was just one of those "hidden treasures...  standing on the corner, always ready for a good time (Jack Wyrick, '10)."  She didn't "draw attention to her voluptuous self.  (Patrick Berger '12)."  "Hawks liked to eat pigeon babies there. (Annie Maselli, '10)."   Now, like so many pigeon babies before, BT has seen her last sunset.

Where's the silver lining?  Sewanee is (and has been for 20 years) a member of Tree City USA, signifying its commitment to preserving the beauty of the campus that can be found through its thriving tree community.  According to Connie, she likes to maintain a standard of planting twice as many trees as she cuts: "for every 10 trees down, 20 go up".  Does this mean there will be 20 Boob Trees in our future?  One can only hope...  What we do know is that, even though old BT is gone, Sewanee's tree population will never die.  BT was a great landmark in the search for a personal connection with nature.  Perhaps she'll be reborn; perhaps the freshmen of today will see the birth of an entirely new tree of legend.  What is certain is that everyone who remembers -or even has simply heard of -the mighty BT should not mourn her loss.  Rather, we should use her memory as further impetus to engage the world growing around us.  I challenge the new students of today to go out and find their own Boob Trees... or Rock Buns.. Or any other sight or scene on these 13000 acres!  So long as it inspires you!  Share your inspiration, and stir the excitement in your peers.  The world you live in will always be the glove that never fit, unless you can understand how you can connect to it.  Find your connection to the mountain around you! Never let that go.


...The boob monument can come later.